I went to the Dr. yesterday and through his little laugh he said "no baby yet"! Apparently my cervix is VERY long, hard, and it too is curled up in the fetal position! He said maybe the week of Sept 12 - 15 but if everything looks the way it did yesterday it would be the week of the 19-22. He has promised me that he won't let me go past the 24th! I am pretty sure he understands the repercussions of breaking a promise like that!
On the other side of that....my body and physical exhaustion is telling me that I am ready to have her....but the rest of me....isn't quite ready. OKAY, hear me out! I have so much to do between now and then; finishing her room, redoing her closet, putting all her new stuff away and together, writing thank you notes, finding a sub, writing lesson plans, finishing the school website, etc. .....along with the fact that I am scared to death and have no earthly idea what to do with a baby and keep thinking that if I procrastinate having her (HA!) that I will get everything done AND be able to read my "Babies for Dummies" book so that I don't screw her up!.......Ah-Ha.....maybe there is the truth....I'm afraid that I don't know what I'm doing and that I'll screw her up.
If I ALREADY can't get all my stuff done...will that make me a bad teacher, wife AND mother? Right now I can pretty much choose if I want to be a bad teacher or wife on certain days (by what gets pushed to tomorrows To-Do list) ....but I have to be a good mom...and that will take up twice as much time....so am I doomed at being a good teacher and wife? I KNOW, I KNOW there are TONS of people that do it all the time...I just haven't figured out how I AM GOING TO DO IT. I am probably worrying over nothing......
Now onto the other Doctor in my life, my father in law. He is constantly in my prayers throughout the day. He health is diminishing week by week. He HAS had a good life, he HAS helped a lot of people, and he HAS been a great dad, granddad, and father in law! I can't imagine what he is physically, emotionally, and spiritually going through. I just think that MY talks with God about it are long...I can't imagine his...or even Koby's. It makes me want to put up a GIANT billboard and BEG people not to ever, Ever, EVER pick up a cigarette! It is a huge blessing that Doc is sleeping as much as he is....and I continue to pray that he will peacefully go to Heaven during that time. I do REALLY hope that if it is God's will, that he will have the opportunity to meet Reegan....but I also know how much he is suffering now and I could never selfishly pray for that to continue...
Moving On...
14 years ago
2 comments:
Robin, I can't tell you how important it is to give yourself some slack when it comes to being "everything", wife, mom, teacher, daughter, etc...when Reegan is born you can't be good at all those things, anyone who tells you they are or seems like they are...they a big fat liars. There are days when I know I wasn't the best mom, the great thing is they don't remember (yet) and you get a fresh start the next day.
Oh and more good news, you'll have plenty of time to read that book before you have to worry about actual parenting. I'm writing too much, I'm calling you...
You can't possibly be everything to everyone. It was hard for me to realize I couldn't be 100% at all those things. But it just doesn't work, it's a balancing act.
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